Latest Posts

Uncharted territory, still


There was a time that I wondered, “is my identity forever going to be defined by our tragic loss?”  Here we are, over five years since Maya left us, and I am answering my own question.  Simply put, yes.  With time, my relationship to being the mom of our precious teenage daughter, Maya, who took…

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Imprint


There are some memories that are so vivid, that as I replay each second, it seems to stretch out.  Each moment lasts hours.  I can feel see facial expressions, hear tones, embrace conversations, and have a sense of the feelings as if I am living them today.  In a way, I am.  The imprints are…

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Twenty in 2020


There is something significant about today.  Yes, 2020 is a new decade for us all.  September 1, 2020 is Maya’s 20th birthday.  While I generally know how to express myself, it seems like there is a word I cannot put my finger on in the English language.  I am experiencing a paradox around time.  There…

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Forgiveness


“Say you’re sorry!”  These words echo inside of me as if it were yesterday.  They were words that my dad would yell at us, when my sisters and I would fight.  I trust that he had good intentions.  This is the best that he could do with teaching us about conflict resolution.  If I knew…

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Maya’s voice


I remember giving birth to each of my children.  The immediate, intense love was like that of no other.  This love was an incredible force that surged through my entire being.  As new as these babies were, it was if I had known them forever.  What a precious moment; I wanted to freeze time.  At…

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Blessed


It’s Maya’s 18th birthday today.  It is a big one. I am sitting in the room, where Maya was born.  I remember the feeling, waking up that morning that, “today is the day.”  Five hours later, she was in our arms. Some say, “how fortunate; you were blessed with such a quick labor!” I would…

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I’m definitely going!


Maya was truly blessed to have several families.  Aside from our family, she had strong connections in different circles.  One of the most impressive and supportive ones was that of the Rowe Camp.  At this moment, many of Maya’s peers are at camp, at “Senior High Camp,” for three weeks.  Yes, even though they are…

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A letter to Maya’s friends


Dear Graduating Class of 2018, I honor you.  This milestone is remarkable for any teen.  It is even more remarkable for you. You have had your community, our community to hold you.  As you graduate and move on, there will not be the shoulder of a friend in the hallway, the knowing when someone looks…

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“Can I be a dog?”


I recently reached out to Valerie Hughes, one of the organizers of “Rise Up & Write.”  This summer program is offered through the Hudson Valley Writing Project.  Students will be encouraged to research issues of social justice that touch them and write about them.  I am moved to know that this workshop is taking place…

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Graduation


I remember when I began to come up for air after Maya took her life.  I began to think about all of the landmarks that I would miss.  Learning to drive and getting a license, graduating from high school, doing work in Nepal, college, exploring career opportunities, relationships, perhaps marriage, a family. I also remember…

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