An uncomfortable feeling

July 31, 2007

Dear Maya,

As you’ve already learned from past entries (and as you probably know now, from knowing yourself) you are an extremely articulate person who is in touch with her feelings.

I went to Fire Island for four days with some friends from high school.  We’ll all be turning 50 this upcoming year and wanted to celebrate together in some way.  I had ambivalence about going, as this is the longest I’d be without you.  I knew you’d be fine, but I thought I’d miss you terribly.  As it turns out, I DID you miss you terribly AND I had a great time.  I called you each night to touch base with you.  The first night you were so kind.  You really wanted to know how I was doing.  And you were wondering about my friends, too.  This was pretty amazing that you reached out in this way.

The next couple of nights’ phone conversations were a bit different.  You have been thinking about your birthday party.  You’ve been wondering where to have it, who to invite and on what date.  This is a lot for an almost 7-year-old to bear.  You expressed the following to me:

“Mommy, I have an uncomfortable feeling.  It’s not like I’m sitting in an uncomfortable position.  It’s more like an uncomfortable feeling in my heart.”  This was quite remarkable, Maya.  You pinpointed the feeling.  You are experiencing anxiety (a feeling that we all know well) and didn’t have a name for it, but were able to express what was going on inside.

Daddy assured me that while I was away, you were having a great time.  It was only during our phone conversations that you tuned in to how much you missed me.

I’m glad to be back, to talk with you in person about your uncomfortable feelings, hold you in my arms and do some party planning!