I learned that this holiday started in India. Here is a photo Maya in India in April 2014 surrounded by a sea of girls. It was taken at the Binapani Ashram (residential girls school). It was at that time that Maya’s vision was sparked to return to India to work with girls. After reading and learning about sexual trafficking, Maya’s focus moved to Nepal. She set a goal to go to Nepal, to reduce sexual trafficking.
I caught myself today explaining that we are in Nepal (yes, I’m writing from Nepal, now), because she never “had the opportunity” to go herself. I corrected myself. Maya did have the opportunity. She lost it. We go to Nepal each year, with a group of teens in her memory.
This time is different. It is the first that Mathew and I are here together without a group. It is a time to give to ourselves. We are going for a trek in the Himalayas. We will likely be at the highest point of our trek (coincidently?) on the anniversary of Maya’s passing, October 2nd. It is also during the time of the High Holidays.
There is something different this year. I cannot put my finger on it, but I feel a change. Seven years have passed. Seven years. How can that be? That is practically half of Maya’s life when she left us at 15 years old. There has also been much said about the Seven Year Cycle, and cells in our body changing over seven years.
I continue to allow myself to feel all of my feelings with fullness and curiousity. How is it that my daughter is not here, but my relationship with her continues to change? Some of these questions may remain unanswered; I will always be asking questions.
Thank you for reading, sending you love and warm wishes for a sweet and healthy New Year.