What color is the sun? | Maya's Gifts

What color is the sun?


Journal October 2007

Dear Maya,

It has been a time of deep and serious questions for you. Here are a few that you MUST know the answers to:

  • How does electricity work?
  • How do people grow?
  • How do plants grow?
  • How does the seed come out of the penis? (yes…this question has been revisited)
  • What is gravity?
  • How does the moon go around the earth?
  • What color is the sun?
  • What makes things alive?

…pretty deep!


On another note, I love it when you engage in quiet time by yourself. Just tonight you spent time in your room. You made many houses and living environments for your little characters.  I loved how you used books for shelters.  When you took me on a tour, you told me stories of these people.  One man was homeless, but with his dogs.  There was a gay couple.  Someone’s husband died.  Through creative play, I witnessed how open you are to many different peoples.  I appreciate this.

On a selfish note, I LOVE October. It’s a beautiful time of year and lends itself to so many precious activities.  I was happy to share with you in:

  • costume making
  • leaf printing
  • and waxing
  • apple picking

You help to bring the little kid out of me, Maya and I appreciate this!


One more thing…finally, finally one of your teeth is loose. You have been MORE than ready as all of your friends have lost multiple teeth.  The way I see it is that this is the last vestige of early childhood…or being a little girl that in some way, your body or really SOUL is holding on to.  On some levels (like the peer piece) you are so ready to let go.  You want to be part of “the club”.  But deep down on a soul and spirit level, you need to stay in the space of a little, playful, spontaneous, fun loving gem.

It’s been interesting, as your second set of teeth has been pushing through, but your first set isn’t budging and hasn’t been budging. Now (or soon), you will be part of “the club”.  And I can assure you, I will cry!  Sweet, loving, tender tears of witnessing you grow through another rite of passage.

Love, Mom



    • Dear Marc,
      Your words of early October continue to resonate with me. “We’ve now got to do it double for Maya!” I know that in coming Octobers, it will be challenging to feel the enjoyment fully, but in spite of that difficulty, I’m determined. I’m going to love October, double for Maya! Thank you for your love and encouragement.

  • So many sides of Maya, and each of your posts reminds me of moments spent with her … her openness to ways of being, her energetic concern for others, her appreciation of people and, sometimes rare, her warm expression of that appreciation.

    Your funny mud-face story reminds me of walking down the middle of our stream, my daughter and I, in our underwear (! yes, we never see any people there!) and painting designs on our face and body with clay from the stream. And the many times Maya and I played in that stream. Women and daughters…

    She asked “what makes things live?”
    It is these qualities of spirit that are alive in us and help remind us how to be.
    what color is the sun? it is gold, like Maya.

    The details of the drugs and posts that you shared will take a long time to wrap my mind around. I’m sure we are all saying “how could this be?”
    And I know that you and Mathew will do good through the foundation.

    • I’m glad that these memories spark memories for you.
      I love the “gold like Maya” image.
      The “how could this be?” will always be there. My hope is that having access to the information that we shared helps to shed some light on what happened. And of course, the dark side of the culture must change.

  • My dearest Elise,

    I want to thank you for these gifts of pictures and stories of our beautiful Maya and of your joy, parenting such an amazing human being. I also apologize that I have not posted a comment up to this point. I open “Maya’s Gifts” at various times, whenever I’m at my computer and see another posting. I know this is a mistake on my part….. the tears roll and my heart feels overcome with grief and awe.. Perhaps, like Mathew indicated in his post, I need to find a time and place to open these windows into Maya’s soul and into your soul’s journey. Both are rich beyond words….I thank you my dear friend for sharing it all with us….you, Mathew, Adin and of course Maya, are always in my heart.

    • No mistakes, dear Ellen. The memories, photos and reflections are here, when you are in the right space to be with them.

  • October has always been my favorite month. I’m going to love it double for you and for Maya.

    Thank you for your beautiful prose poems.

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