The breath of all emotions | Maya's Gifts

The breath of all emotions


May 6, 2012

Dear Maya,

There are some days that it seems like your entire world is falling apart.  You had one of those yesterday.  Not enough sleep, woes at school, trouble with Adin, not getting your choice of haircut, being embarrassed and/or annoyed with/by me and on and on.  At these times, life is just too much.  The buildup overflows into oceans of sadness and tears.  You cannot articulate, just cry and cry, normally in your room.


I don’t know what you are going through, but I do know the sadness.  I went upstairs to offer you comfort.  Just to be present.  No need to talk or fix things, just to hold you if needed and comfort you by showing you that you are not alone with all of these feelings.  Unfortunately, your sadness got deeper because on top of everything else, you got mad at yourself for being nasty to me in spite of my niceness.

Thankfully Maya, you heard me.  The only thing that stays the same is change.  The weight of the world will shift.  I got you a little food which you desperately needed and as the minutes and hours unfolded, you came more and more to your center.


What a relief that the sadness came and went.  I do know about being very sad.  I honor you that you can allow yourself to feel it and express it.  I am not saying that I’m glad that you are sad.  Sadness is something that we all experience.  But so many people are not in touch with it.  Instead, they bury it, stuff it or ignore it.  Or they cover it up with unhealthy behaviors.

I am relieved to know that when you feel sadness, you can feel it deeply.  You will express it (like yesterday), you will allow yourself to be comforted and you will move through it.  All of this Maya, is helping you to become a fuller human being.  Having the breath of all emotions will help you to live life more fully.

I am here for you0001

February 29, 2016

Re-reading and sharing words from my Maya Journals always brings up many emotions for me.  This particular journal entry is very charged.  Oh how I wish Maya heard me on October 2, 2015 as she heard me in May 2012.


  • We all wish what you wish – so much so, our wishing muscles ache.

    I don’t think Maya’s ears were functioning, when she couldn’t hear you.

    But I think she hears you now. You’re an awesome, loving mom, full of caring and integrity. What a blessing that you have these journal entries – not only to remember Maya, but to remember yourself as her mother.


    • Durga Yael,
      I’m not sure if you meant it like this, but I’m with you. Maya’s ears were not functioning. She was not in her right mind, either. This is what these drugs do. The only voices she was hearing at that moment were her hallucinations.
      Though Maya is not with me here, I do take comfort in knowing that she is with me and hears me now.
      L, E

  • I can only imagine, Elise. My heart is full for you. And it was a pleasure to dance in that room so full of energy and joy with you last night, too.

    • Thank you, Eve. I feel truly blessed to have those moments of energy and joy; it’s really quite remarkable to experience.
      Moment by moment.
      What a dance.

  • Dear Elise, feeling this so fully. I can relate to Maya’s sadness, a deep deep river of sadness… ranging from childhood and teen memories to my adult self. I am so touched by the ways you offered her comfort and support and by sharing, you offer that to us now. Thank you as always for letting us be part of this journey. With so much love, Sarah

  • dearest Elise,
    reading your journal, and Mathew’s, give me (all of us) the gift of knowing Maya better. How we wish that she had heard you …

    Yesterday a friend who had never met Maya told me she is falling in love with her through reading your entries.

    Think of all the people whom your foundation will touch, who will grow to know her …

    I recall a poem of Goethe’s:

    To their favorites, the gods give everything in its totality:
    all of the infinite joys
    all of the infinite sorrows.

    with love

  • Elise- I don’t comment often because I am at a loss for words of comfort. My heart is with you, and it tightens with each of your entries. I remember many times my children went through something similar. Your entries are all beautiful, and capture the love you and Maya shared. xoxox


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