Gifted
When I was a young adult, my mom shared with me, “Elise, it is not for me that I’d want you to have children. For me, it’s not about being a grandmother. I would want for you to experience the joy that you and your sisters gave me. You have given me such joy. Know that children are a gift”.
After having my first child, Adin, I understood. There was no love greater. I knew that I had to have another child. That’s right, it was not a wanting; this was a visceral need. Mathew, my husband, neither needed nor wanted to have another child. For him, it would be his third, as Sasha was his first (from another marriage). At the time, he felt that two was enough. Mathew and I are really good at compromise, but when it came to this decision, there was no way to have half a child. We processed, went to therapy, soul searched and finally Mathew shared, “Elise, after all of this, I still do not want to have another child. But I understand how important this is to you. I love you so much, that I want to give you a gift.”
Maya was born on September 1, 2000. She took her life on October 2, 2015. Maya’s life was a gift. I believe the saying that there is no loss greater than that of a child. I am living with this loss, deeply. It is one that I never wish on anyone. And as the days and weeks go on, I continue to uncover gifts that I’m learning from Maya; even after her passing.
Since September 2000, I’ve kept a “Maya Journal”. I made a commitment to myself to record at least a little something in it monthly. This blog shares both entries from the many volumes of my Maya Journals and current reflections. I hope that you find a gift in all that I’m sharing with you.
Dearest Elise,
I will read all your posts, as a way to connect to you through the gift of your writing. I know that I am not a close friend, but the loss of Maya has touched me deeply, and I have been sending messages of love and light to you each day since October 2. I will read your writing, and let you know that I hear you. It’s so little to do, I know, but with ever word I read, I will send a blessing to you and your beautiful daughter. You are not alone. There are so many people who feel as I do, that her loss is our loss, and your courage is astounding.
With love,
Rebecca Burdett
Dear Rebecca,
Your sentiments are warmly received. I am writing, as I have in the past, as a form of self-expression. This helps me and I imagine will continue to do so. The purpose of creating this blog is to connect with you and others. Thank you for affirming my decision to share.
Thank you Rebecca for being here. For your blessings, sharing the loss and for your love.
You are opening your heart to us in a brilliant, beautiful way.
Dearest Elise, Mathew and Adin.
On September 1, 2000, I too received a gift… the greatest gift in my life, after the birth of my own daughter.
You all invited me to be at Maya’s birth. Adin and I watched, we went outside and played, we went in and out of the birthing room, as if it were simply an ordinary day. When Elise made some noises, Adin would look at me to check my reaction, and I would tell him: “making a baby is a lot of work! These are really good baby-coming sounds” … he was satisfied.
I have on the table the wonderful photos of him holding Maya in his arms, and of lifting her high in her little cloth, to be weighed, with a look of such exultation… Thank you, dearest Maya
Dear Leslie,
You are, and always have been such a loving friend to our entire family. What a gift.
Elise,
Touched. By your love, your bravery, your integrity, and by the love of community that embraces you. I will never know the depth of love in having a child, nor the loss. Your writing and sharing touches my heart. Big love, Cindy.
Thank you dear Cindy. I’m soaking in your love.
Dear Elise ,
Your honest, generous heart touches me deeply. Thank you for sharing your love and your pain. I agree that loss of ones child is the hardest loss.
Love Connie
Thank you, Connie. I have been only been able to share, as dear friends have been there. Thank you.
Dearest Elise,
Wow, wow, and more wow! Children are such pure conveyors of the truth, and Maya was no exception. So there it was, all laid out for you. She loved you then, she loved you when, and she’s still loving you now…….. Blessings to you dear One, for sharing your Love of Maya. I am an honored recipient of that ever beautiful heart… As it was on earth, and as it is, in spirit…. Inspiring us all?
I am the grandfather of one of Maya’s little friends who lives near her house. Her friend, who misses her very much, is Talia Grossman.
It is difficult to try to console what appears to be inconsolable. But I can say this, I met Maya on several occasions at my granddaughter’s house and I must say I was very impressed with her whole demeaner and wonderful personality. My simple attempt at consoling everyone who knew her and especially her family is this. How very lucky, how very fortunate you are for God to have chosen you personally to have had her in your care! No one else but you!
With tender tears Tom, I thank you.
Dear Elise,
I just read all of your entires thus far. All I can say is thank you. Thank you for sharing Maya’s gifts and this part of your journey. She is definetly a soul over flowing with love and gifts. To learn of them is inspirational and motivating. Thank you. I feel I can learn a lot from your stories, Maya’s life and you remind me to cherish every moment. I know you are grieving this unimaginable loss, but at the same time blessing us. Much love and peace. Jen
Love back to you and yours, Jen.