An invitation to Rowies
Baa, chess, ping pong, smiles, hugs, Pangea bed, twirling in the rain, no curfew nights, yoga laughing, veganism one by one, Gatorade, unending love. What do these words have in common? I’m sorry, I cannot tell you. Mathew and I were invited to a memorial service at Rowe Camp and Conference Center. Maya attended sleep away camp there since she was about eight years old. It was one of her homes away from homes; a place that she loved. I understand why.
The memorial service was held in the Chapel. While the Chapel is not a place of religious practice, it certainly is a sacred space. Each night during camp, campers would attend Chapel if they chose. Each “Chapel” held a different theme to explore. Rules included being present when someone spoke, speak from your own heartfelt experience, no dialoguing, and whatever is said in Chapel, stays in Chapel. Maya would come home from camp, sharing much of her Rowe experience with us, but would not share what went on in Chapel. Now I get it, and in keeping with Rowe tradition, I’ll honor the protocol.
I feel comfortable sharing that I learned about Maya’s life in camp from the perspective of the beloved Rowe community; a Maya that I never had a chance to fully witness. Rowe is a place of great, exploration, creativity, fun and acceptance. At home, I like to think that we live life with those values, but then there’s life (responsibilities, school, family dynamics, expectations and all). Rowe Camp gave Maya an amazing and nurturing retreat, where she could fully be herself. The stories shared were of Maya’s loving being and Maya being loved. Enormous love; so much so, that one could feel it. And though Maya had experiences at Rowe that she could only have away from home, the Maya I know still was shining through. Silly, caring, talkative, absurd, revolutionary, deep thinker, willful, kind, creative, witty, punster, warm and fun-loving. And what was quite delightful to me was to notice that these were characteristics that Mathew and I passed down (with one from Pop). Maya had magnified them hundred times and put her Maya-stamp on them.
I know how much the Rowe community meant to Maya. Not only the Chapel, but the entire experience gave Maya a sense of sacred space. It is a loving community where she could fully be herself and accepted completely. Each year, there was a bit of a challenge adjusting back to “life” after Rowe. But we knew it was worth it, as Rowe fed and nourished Maya’s soul. For this, I offer deep gratitude.
Okay you Rowies. If you’re reading this, I invite you to please comment. The snippets and memories were indeed gifts. Please, please share a pearl from your knowing Maya. As the seventy five of us gathered in the taper and tea lit candled room, one gem emerged after another; tears, laughs and everything in between. I honor the Chapel guidelines; at the same time, I invite you to heartfully share from your own experience. Please accept my deep love for all that you gave Maya, and for sharing a window of it with Mathew and me today.
I never went to Rowe, but I could tell from what Maya said how important it was. What a precious refuge for her and all young people, and how good that you could all be together there …
I had known maya for 7 years. I remember her always being there, but my most significant memory was playing poker in the art room with Germaine (a counselor) even though we knew how bad we were. That always stuck out to me as a moment to Cherish.
Hi Adris, Wow! Seven years! You really grew up with one another. I’m glad that that Poker game was a cherished moment. We have to hold onto these moments, don’t we!
I, too, was there in chapel yesterday. I wish I knew you were there as I would have liked to meet you. My son Max attended Jr High camp with Maya last summer. I never met Maya but since her death have heard through Rowies and read about what an amazing person she was. I can see the beauty of her spirit in the photos of her I have seen.Thank you for sharing your intimate, beautiful thoughts, pain, joys and memories. They help me remember to be mindful and take nothing for granted. I wish you peace and healing.- Max’s mom
Thank you, Michelle. I felt so very gifted to be among the incredible Rowe community. It was clear from hearing so many stories that Maya was deeply treasured among her friends there. Perhaps our paths will cross another time.
Elise, Mathew and Adin, I first met Maya as a program staffer in 2013. my offering is of Maya, lanky and excited, her first year at Jr. High camp. Our cabin shared so many sweet moments together that summer – excitement and anticipation during the first week, Maya’s (and others) moratorium on “drama,” and creating playful, sneaky and even impish raids on fellow cabins. We all felt so comforted by Maya’s calming presence in the cabin, we often had to remind ourselves that, despite her wisdom, her groundedness and her lovable sarcasm, she needed in return as much support and guidance as she offered to the rest of our community. It will be those moments when she let herself be vulnerable that I will most remember her. Those moments remind me of the joy of being a camper at Rowe, of finally finding safety among peers to stand open and tall. In Maya, both the staff and the campers found a friend, a loving force of being. This sense of purpose Maya carried with her continues, and we have all been privileged to know and love her.
Dear Katie,
I am moved by all that you shared. Rowe is such an amazing community. Thank you for giving Maya the space to be completely herself, including her vulnerable self. Thank you for carrying Maya’s sense of purpose and along with me and many others, loving her.
Maya took the time to call Talia from Rowe last summer. Talia was going to go to camp there for the first time (inspired by her big sister Maya of course!) and they would not get to see each other, as Maya’s camp ended just the day before Talia’s camp would begin. Maya made this effort to reach out, in the midst of her own experience and in her movingly caring way, to encourage Talia and to let her know how much fun it would be, and to let her know she loved her and that they would catch up when Talia returned. I am so grateful Maya opened the door to Rowe for her. She loves it and wants to go back this summer, and has it as a special place where she can be supported, and feel her and Maya’s deep connection.
Dear Talia,
I’m so glad that you found Rowe through Maya! I’m sure that just as Rowe has nourished you and will continue to do so, you will feed the Rowe community.
When I first met Maya I was a cook at Rowe, she was in T-camp I think? Maybe JHC already. I didn’t know her well, but every night I had to put out green apples and blueberries for her. The next year I worked at Jr High for the first time. Again, I didn’t know her that well, but one night I subbed in for the cabin staff in her cabin – Schoenfeldt – and she asked to sleep in my bed with me. It took me off guard, I didn’t really know her, but I said yes, and as soon as she fell asleep she spread out and took up the whole bed, I remember being amazed at how much space such a tiny body could take up. This past summer, 2015, I got to spend a little more time with Maya. I remember one morning going into the rug room where a dozen boys were playing Magic and she was watching. She asked me to play a card game, Spit, with her and we played for so so long. It was almost tedious. At first we were very competitive but then I started to let her win so the game could end. It turned out she was doing the same for me. It was so fun once we realized we were both just doing everything we could to end the game. I remember we were wearing the same blue zip up sweatshirt. That same camp session during a no curfew night we zipped our sweatshirts together so they made one big sweatshirt. We tried to find someone else with a zip up hoodie that would fit but everyone else’s zippers were different sizes, so it was just the two of us. Those are my most special memories of her, but I have countless other ones of just seeing her across the room smiling or seeing her having a great time with her closest friends. I wish I had spent more time with her, but when i was on staff I felt guilty for hanging out with her. It didn’t feel like work, it was so, so easy to spend a whole afternoon just talking to her, she brought so much spirit to camp.
Oh Robyn, you expressed so many ways in which Maya shines. Her discipline as she stuck to that strict diet (like no other adult could), her cuddles, zest for fun, kindness, warmth and love. I treasure hearing all that you shared. Deep thanks.