An unconventional Minyan

Support has come in so many ways.  One way that I’ve been uplifted has been by saying the mourner’s kaddish each week.  At times, I go to a congregation, but most often, my dear friend Linda, gathers a minyan (a group of at least ten people) to recite the mourner’s kaddish with me.  It was only a few years ago, that I learned that the mourner’s kaddish has no mention of death in it.  The intention behind the prayer is that it elevates the soul of the deceased.  It is one in which hope and faith are kept alive and we offer gratitude.  Ten people (friends and formerly strangers) show up to offer support.  The group has varied from week to week.  At times, we recite the kaddish, and then go on with our day.  We’re in and out in fifteen minutes.  More often, we’ve taken to talking a bit, singing a song, reflecting on how Maya’s death has impacted me and others in the community.  People have shared their own stories and poems have been read.  This ritual has had a deep impact on me.  I have felt profound comfort and a sense of peace.

I’ve been sick this past week.  I did not know if I could gather with a minyan considering my health.  I did not have my usual talk with Linda to prepare.  It would be the first week since Maya’s passing that I’d miss saying the mourner’s kaddish and though I was anticipating some emptiness here, I accepted this choice.

A few weeks ago, we received a touching correspondence from a student at Marist College. She represented the “Marist Singers.”  Each year, the Marist Singers perform a concert during the Valentine’s Day weekend called, “Love in the Afternoon.”  It’s a benefit concert and the student body chooses to donate a significant part of their proceeds to a non profit organization.  The student crafted her email so beautifully, “When the choir heard of the news we could not help but be moved to act in some way. Many members of our group have been affected by suicide and we feel that bringing awareness to the issue and to your wonderful foundation is a small, but significant help to many who need it.”  Mathew and I were moved and of course agreed.  How could this be?  We have not yet actively asked for donations, but people are finding the Maya Gold Foundation and the mission touches them; it is one that they want to support.

Mathew and I attended two performances on Saturday.  Each song was about love.  Aside from being incredibly talented, each of those 125 students sung with such passion.  We shared a few words during the performance about the foundation, its mission, vision and our deep gratitude for such generosity.  During the break between shows, parents thanked us for our courage and for allowing them the opportunity to give.  Students told us that working on this concert was a life changing experience for them.  They related differently to one another and found the work to be meaningful as never before. They wanted to do more.     

During the second show, I found myself weeping heavily while listening to an a capella song sung by about 50 young men.  At times, I question what brings on the tears; this was one of those times.  My tears were a mirror reflecting their beautiful harmonies.  With each tear came the blending of a symphony of emotions.  Among others, I felt Maya’s spirit.  Her soul indeed was being elevated by the joy and fullness of the voices.  I had a sense that the entire audience felt uplifted. Though attending “Love in the Afternoon” was not the typical place that I feel the unconditional support of our weekly minyan ritual, it was a very unconventional sort of minyan for me. We did not recite the mourner’s kaddish but several hundred people did embrace Maya’s spirit with generosity, love, gratitude and hope.

photo February 2013 Peterskill Falls