{"id":1168,"date":"2017-05-13T22:11:31","date_gmt":"2017-05-14T02:11:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/?p=1168"},"modified":"2017-05-13T23:44:05","modified_gmt":"2017-05-14T03:44:05","slug":"darkness-and-the-dogwood-blossoms","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/?p=1168","title":{"rendered":"Darkness and the dogwood blossoms"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The last three weeks have been very, very dark for me.\u00a0 Perhaps it was because of my recent transition.\u00a0 I am aware of my vulnerability after landing and then integrating from our trip to Nepal.\u00a0 It may have something to do with being cracked wide open by my experience there.\u00a0 It could be that more and more moms and dads have recently been coming to me for parenting advice. \u00a0I have also been stirred by so many communications I have recently received about the Netflix series, \u201cThirteen Reasons Why.\u201d\u00a0 I know that Mother\u2019s Day is a huge trigger for me, a day in which I wish I could just jump over. \u00a0I am flooded with anxiety and sadness.<\/p>\n

It has been just over a year and a half since Maya took her life.\u00a0 Some say that the first year brings biggest the challenge.\u00a0 Once one experiences the first round of holidays and anniversaries, it is helpful to know that it is actually possible to do so.\u00a0 Then others have shared that the second year is harder, as the reality sets in differently.\u00a0 The shock is not there to help absorb the pain.\u00a0 Interestingly, during the first year, I managed to work on serious preparations for all of the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries.\u00a0 For all but one, I carried much more emotional charge on the days leading up to the holiday, than the day itself.\u00a0 That one day, was Mother\u2019s Day.\u00a0 So, in this case, I do not have experience to draw from.\u00a0 It was excruciating.\u00a0 A friend suggested that I try something different.\u00a0 As best as I can, I am working on this.\u00a0 Perhaps simply sharing these words with you will help a shift.<\/p>\n

I have been aware that the blossoms on the dogwood trees outside Maya\u2019s and our bedroom windows have been open and attached to the trees longer than springs of the past. \u00a0Is this Maya\u2019s Mother\u2019s Day gift to me?\u00a0 I love the image that Maya is sharing a burst of light in my time of darkness.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

(Top photo, two weeks before Maya’s birth on top of Bonticou Crag. Bottom photo,bedroom window, winter 2001 )<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The last three weeks have been very, very dark for me.\u00a0 Perhaps it was because of my recent transition.\u00a0 I am aware of my vulnerability after landing and then integrating from our trip to Nepal.\u00a0 It may have something to do with being cracked wide open by my experience there.\u00a0 It could be that more…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1168","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gifts-since"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p720L0-iQ","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1168","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1168"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1168\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1176,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1168\/revisions\/1176"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1168"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1168"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1168"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}