{"id":1209,"date":"2017-08-12T11:11:18","date_gmt":"2017-08-12T15:11:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/?p=1209"},"modified":"2017-08-12T22:34:41","modified_gmt":"2017-08-13T02:34:41","slug":"pack-maya","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/?p=1209","title":{"rendered":"“Pack” Maya"},"content":{"rendered":"

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I have not been to Cape Cod since my last trip there with Maya.\u00a0 Why did we go, just the two of us then?\u00a0 During our family trips each summer of her life, one of our favorite rituals has been to see the seals as they take their rest on a sandbar.\u00a0 This activity is dependent on many conditions, the moon, the tides, the fog, the time of day (or night) and the agenda of the family (and sometimes friends who vacation with us).\u00a0 During our family trip in the summer of 2015, in spite of our efforts, we failed to see the seals.\u00a0 I know that the best chance to see them is at the time that the full moon is rising.\u00a0 Maya gave this gift to me; together, we made our way to the Cape, just the two of us, to see the seals.<\/p>\n

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I relive this weekend in slow motion; Maya teaching me long boarding, the movies, binge watching food truck shows late at night, playing with puns, Commercial Street, and yes, the seals.\u00a0 We did get to see them, hundreds of them, that evening in late September, as the sunset and the full moon rose.\u00a0 This is how we spent the last weekend of Maya\u2019s life.\u00a0 I have not been there since.<\/p>\n

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I long to go.\u00a0 But when negotiating such decisions, I am not alone.\u00a0 It has not been time for our family to go.\u00a0 I have learned that for people in sobriety, it is safest for them to stay away from people, places and things that may trigger discomfort. Is this similar?\u00a0 For me, it is not addiction, but the pull.\u00a0 There is surely something about retracing the footsteps, the campfires, the eateries, the rock hopping and bike rides.\u00a0 Does the heavy hole become even more exposed with these reminders?\u00a0 I live with that hole all of the time, whether I\u2019m in places that hold such memories or not.\u00a0 And, I understand that this trip has to wait. \u00a0I will get back there when it is time.<\/p>\n

Now, I am forming other memories; many of them.\u00a0 I recently have had the privilege of traveling to places unfamiliar to me.\u00a0 There is a bit of a relief in the newness.\u00a0 I can adventure without the constant flood of memories.\u00a0 I just have to chuckle when Maya comes through.\u00a0 Sometimes, it feels as if she is just tapping me on the shoulder, or even clobbering me over the head, jokingly saying, \u201chey mom, I\u2019m here!\u201d\u00a0 On our most recent trip to Brazil, there were so many of these \u201ctaps\u201d.<\/p>\n