{"id":1352,"date":"2018-06-07T11:11:05","date_gmt":"2018-06-07T15:11:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/?p=1352"},"modified":"2018-06-07T09:01:21","modified_gmt":"2018-06-07T13:01:21","slug":"graduation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/?p=1352","title":{"rendered":"Graduation"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I remember when I began to come up for air after Maya took her life.\u00a0 I began to think about all of the landmarks that I would miss.\u00a0 Learning to drive and getting a license, graduating from high school, doing work in Nepal, college, exploring career opportunities, relationships, perhaps marriage, a family.<\/p>\n

I also remember that first autumn when Maya left us, sunset after sunset, each was more extraordinary.\u00a0 How could this be?<\/p>\n

Since October 2015, I have ridden many waves.\u00a0 Many came when I expected them; birthdays, anniversaries and Mother\u2019s Day.\u00a0 I anticipate these with so much anxiety.\u00a0 Others pulled me under in ways I didn\u2019t quite expect, like now, when I am slammed by a tidal wave that knows no bounds.\u00a0 Although I was not prepared, in my darkness, I had an \u201cah ha moment.\u201d\u00a0 Of course.\u00a0 This is when Maya would be graduating high school. She should be among her friends, many of whom were with her since preschool. \u00a0But she is not here.\u00a0 We should be rejoicing together now.\u00a0 But \u201cshould\u201d does not work.<\/p>\n

The only thing I know is\u00a0that I am being pulled under. \u00a0I am thinking, \u201cThis is it.\u00a0 I am done.\u201d\u00a0 For those long moments, hours or days, I am done; I allow myself to fully feel the doneness.\u00a0 A part of me understands, in those times, why people turn to substances, exhibit unhealthy behaviors or retreat into depression, as it is so deeply painful.\u00a0 I know this pain now.\u00a0 It has been over two and a half years.\u00a0 I am learning that in time, the current will calm.\u00a0 I will surface and exhale again and may even enjoy the water.<\/p>\n

I noticed this spring, that the fragrances from the blossoming flowers have been more fragrant than ever before.\u00a0 How can this be?<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

photo on top taken on Mother’s Day, 2014 at Bonticou Crag<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I remember when I began to come up for air after Maya took her life.\u00a0 I began to think about all of the landmarks that I would miss.\u00a0 Learning to drive and getting a license, graduating from high school, doing work in Nepal, college, exploring career opportunities, relationships, perhaps marriage, a family. I also remember…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1352","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gifts-since"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p720L0-lO","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1352","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1352"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1352\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1354,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1352\/revisions\/1354"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1352"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1352"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1352"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}