{"id":515,"date":"2016-03-03T22:54:58","date_gmt":"2016-03-04T03:54:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/?p=515"},"modified":"2016-03-04T08:39:28","modified_gmt":"2016-03-04T13:39:28","slug":"a-pattern-changes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/?p=515","title":{"rendered":"A pattern changes"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"DSC_6445\"<\/a><\/p>\n

This evening after work, I visited my dad.\u00a0 He\u2019s 95 years old and lives in a nursing home. \u00a0Driving home, I was thinking of Maya\u2019s connection with Pop.\u00a0 Though Maya got her goofiness and silliness from her dad, I believe she got much of her wit and love for puns from my dad.<\/p>\n

When Maya first died, I was not able to share the news with him.\u00a0 I was really deep in my own shock and trauma.\u00a0 I absolutely could not manage to tell him at that time.\u00a0 There had been a bit of thought whether to let him know at all.\u00a0 But with the support of a dear friend who basically mirrored my sentiments, I knew that he had to know.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been so open with all, I had to be open with him.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t only for him, but for me too.\u00a0 Whenever I visit him, we\u2019d typically speak about Adin and Maya, two of his four precious grandchildren.\u00a0 What would it be like if after talking about Adin, he asked how Maya was doing?\u00a0 Julia also mentioned that he may find a way to comfort me.\u00a0 I had no idea that this could be possible.\u00a0 It was about six weeks after Maya\u2019s passing that Mathew and I went to \u201cPop\u2019s\u201d to share the news of our deep loss.<\/p>\n

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A piece of history that I\u2019ve lived with for most of my life is that after my sister, Steffie\u2019s death in 1972, dad did not utter her name.\u00a0 Our family could not even whisper Steffie\u2019s name in his presence.\u00a0 I now know that it was a defense mechanism; it was just too painful.\u00a0 But for years, I could not understand it.\u00a0 \u201cWas it as if he just deleted her memory?\u201d was always in the back of my aching heart.<\/p>\n

When we went to let dad know in mid-November, I went without any expectations.\u00a0 The outcome was precious and poignant.\u00a0 I started by sharing a few times with him that my daughter, Maya died.\u00a0 When it sank in, he asked, \u201chow?\u201d\u00a0 I told him that she took her life and he was devastated.\u00a0 He asked \u201cwhy?\u201d\u00a0 In the best way that I knew how, I explained that she was a very sensitive person and put the needs of other needs first, like my mom.\u00a0 She had depression and I told him about the drugs.\u00a0 I shared that she was not in her right mind when she took her life.\u00a0 He shed tears.<\/p>\n

\"IMG_1539\"<\/a><\/p>\n

What was so unexpected for me was that he took my hands.\u00a0 He started stroking them.\u00a0 And then he picked them up and kissed them several times.\u00a0 He did this several times over the couple of hours that I was there.\u00a0 I was deeply moved.\u00a0 At 95 years old, my dad was able to comfort his adult daughter.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been caring for him of late, and he found a way to care for me.\u00a0 Julia was right.<\/p>\n

At one point, dad said, \u201cThank heaven that you\u2019re\u2026\u201d\u00a0 He never finished the sentence.\u00a0 Other times, I\u2019ll take a guess and try to finish the sentence for him.\u00a0 But this time,\u00a0I just waited.\u00a0 After a long pause, I said, \u201cDad, I heard you say, \u2018thank heaven that you\u2019re\u2019\u2026dad, that I\u2019m what?\u201d\u00a0 He didn\u2019t answer.\u00a0 My dad is an atheist through and through.\u00a0\u00a0 I then said, \u201cdad, I never heard you say the words, \u2018thank heaven\u2019 before\u201d.\u00a0 He agreed, \u201cyes, I never said \u2018thank heaven\u2019\u2019.\u00a0 \u201cOkay, I just heard you say, \u2018thank heaven that you\u2019re\u2019\u2026\u201d\u00a0 And again, he said, \u201cI never said thank heaven before\u201d.<\/p>\n

\"scan0077aa\"<\/a><\/p>\n

And in talking about Maya, at one point, he said, \u201cshe\u2019s with the two others now\u201d.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to assume, so I asked him to clarify.\u00a0 He just repeated that Maya was with the two others.\u00a0 I asked him specifically, \u201cdo you mean Nina (my mom) and Steffie?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cno, her two other selves\u201d.<\/p>\n

\"DSC_6446\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Near the end of our visit, dad was talking of Maya in the past and I responded that, \u201cI am going to keep Maya alive in my heart forever\u201d.\u00a0 And then dad repeated, \u201cI am going to keep Maya alive in my heart forever, too\u201d.\u00a0 He said this again a couple of times.\u00a0 What a change for dad from the last forty years.<\/p>\n

\"scan0034\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Photos of Maya with Pop and family, 2001, 2005, 2011, 2015 and a photo of Stephanie Marissa Gold, 1964<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This evening after work, I visited my dad.\u00a0 He\u2019s 95 years old and lives in a nursing home. \u00a0Driving home, I was thinking of Maya\u2019s connection with Pop.\u00a0 Though Maya got her goofiness and silliness from her dad, I believe she got much of her wit and love for puns from my dad. When Maya…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-515","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gifts-since"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p720L0-8j","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/515","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=515"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/515\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":528,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/515\/revisions\/528"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=515"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=515"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=515"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}