{"id":551,"date":"2016-03-11T22:37:22","date_gmt":"2016-03-12T03:37:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/?p=551"},"modified":"2016-03-11T22:37:22","modified_gmt":"2016-03-12T03:37:22","slug":"peepers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/?p=551","title":{"rendered":"Peepers"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"maya<\/a><\/p>\n

Peepers.\u00a0 They mark the passage of time for me.\u00a0 We haven\u2019t had a real winter this year.\u00a0 And though spring has not officially hit, the sound of the peepers has always been a big landmark. I did smile inside and out when I heard them today.<\/p>\n

Now, this bit about time; it is so elusive.\u00a0 I cannot believe that the fall passed.\u00a0 The winter, as mild as it was, passed too.\u00a0 We\u2019re approaching spring.\u00a0 When Maya died, I did not know that I could make it to the next day.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t think about the next month, let alone season.\u00a0 Yet here I am.\u00a0 I\u2019ll say that it is remarkable (not in a bragging sort of way, but I really did not think it was possible\u2026seriously.)<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been thinking about the day that each of my children was born.\u00a0 There\u2019s no other love like it.\u00a0 How could there be so much love?\u00a0 Yet there was.\u00a0 And there is.\u00a0 It seemed impossible to love any more than that moment.\u00a0 As time went on, I did love deeper, wider and though I would not exactly say it was more, I felt the expansiveness of it.<\/p>\n

This is a bit like the hole in my heart.\u00a0 For as much love that I have, I have that sadness.\u00a0 And as the days go on, the hole deepens.\u00a0 To think about the passage of time going forward, a year, ten years, thirty years, how can I carry the depths of this sadness?\u00a0 This honestly seems unbearable to me.<\/p>\n

As I ask this question, I am also answering it.\u00a0 Day by day, moment by moment, breath by breath.\u00a0 That is how I continued since October 2.\u00a0 That is how it will have to be going forward.\u00a0 Holding and honoring the hole, feeling both the pain and the love and smiling at first sound of the peepers.<\/p>\n

Photo of Maya on our rope swing, March 2009<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Peepers.\u00a0 They mark the passage of time for me.\u00a0 We haven\u2019t had a real winter this year.\u00a0 And though spring has not officially hit, the sound of the peepers has always been a big landmark. I did smile inside and out when I heard them today. Now, this bit about time; it is so elusive.\u00a0…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-551","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gifts-since"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s720L0-peepers","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/551","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=551"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/551\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":553,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/551\/revisions\/553"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=551"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=551"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=551"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}