{"id":64,"date":"2015-12-16T15:45:55","date_gmt":"2015-12-16T20:45:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/?p=64"},"modified":"2015-12-17T23:46:22","modified_gmt":"2015-12-18T04:46:22","slug":"time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/?p=64","title":{"rendered":"Time"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"IMG_0562\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve asked people I know that have lost one of their children, \u201chow is it possible that you can you go on?\u201d<\/p>\n

My dad, 95, shared as he was stroking my hand, \u201ctime, Elise. Give it time.\u201d\u00a0 He knows this one well, as my sister Steffie passed over forty years ago.\u00a0 Karen whispered gently to me, \u201ctime is your best friend.\u201d\u00a0 Noelle\u2019s words were that \u201cthe sadness does not go away over time, but you learn how to live with it.\u201d\u00a0 And Iris let me know that the hole will still be there, but the edges will smooth out a bit.<\/p>\n

Time. We loved the book, \u201cA Wrinkle in Time\u201d.\u00a0 I so wish time could wrinkle.\u00a0 Of course, the unrealistic impulse is to go back.\u00a0 To hear Maya\u2019s footsteps, her voice and her laugh.\u00a0 I imagine so much would be different, knowing what I now know.\u00a0 Another wish is that I could just jump forward to a time when I have learned to live with the pain and the rough edges on the excruciating hole I feel were less jagged.\u00a0 Regrettably, this science fiction fantasy is not a viable option. \u00a0It is all too real. \u00a0I cannot fathom it, yet I am living it.\u00a0 I mean living it fully.\u00a0 The grief is with me in every breath that I take.<\/p>\n

\"sunset<\/a><\/p>\n

It is hard to believe, but during these last couple of months, I have experienced snippets of joy. I\u2019ve had a laugh, been struck by the beauty of nature, the exquisite sunsets and felt carried away in a motion at dance.\u00a0 I have hope.\u00a0 I will have more of these experiences.\u00a0 And I trust that they will be more frequent.\u00a0 I love life too much to be completely buried in my grief.\u00a0 I witnessed my mom.\u00a0 To me, sadly, she never lived her life after Steffie died.\u00a0 I understand the pain; and I don\u2019t want that to be me.\u00a0 I am choosing differently.<\/p>\n

For now, I\u2019m doing my work. My work is to just be.\u00a0 To ride the waves of emotions as they come.\u00a0 To ask for buoys to support me so I don\u2019t drown and to remember to exhale as I come up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve asked people I know that have lost one of their children, \u201chow is it possible that you can you go on?\u201d My dad, 95, shared as he was stroking my hand, \u201ctime, Elise. Give it time.\u201d\u00a0 He knows this one well, as my sister Steffie passed over forty years ago.\u00a0 Karen whispered gently to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-64","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gifts-since"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s720L0-time","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/64","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=64"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/64\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":72,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/64\/revisions\/72"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=64"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=64"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=64"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}