{"id":661,"date":"2016-04-26T11:11:19","date_gmt":"2016-04-26T15:11:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/?p=661"},"modified":"2016-04-26T08:24:20","modified_gmt":"2016-04-26T12:24:20","slug":"the-youngest-was-no-longer-here-to-ask-the-four-questions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/?p=661","title":{"rendered":"The youngest is no longer here to ask the four questions"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"IMG_5425\"<\/a><\/p>\n

With each choice, I have a finger on my pulse.\u00a0 Which decision is better for me at this moment?\u00a0 I have been pretty in tune with what works for me and what does not.\u00a0 What might trigger the current and pull me under a wave?\u00a0 I never really can tell.\u00a0 And sometimes, I just have to surrender to being pulled.\u00a0 The only way to get through it is by being in it.<\/p>\n

The day of our Seder was a day that I was constantly checking in.\u00a0 At one moment, I was clear that I did not want to attend our extended family and friends Seder.\u00a0 The first Seder without Maya.\u00a0 With such raw feelings, my heart was cracked wide open.\u00a0 Should I push myself?\u00a0 Does the wound begin to scab and a scar begin to form with each first?\u00a0 And each second?\u00a0 And beyond?\u00a0 Would putting off the first this year make it more difficult to start next year?<\/p>\n

Ritual.\u00a0 Our Seder is a ritual.\u00a0 What makes it a ritual is that it has been part of our custom and that we continue this tradition.<\/p>\n

A voice inside told me that I need to go.\u00a0 While there, the currents touched me, but upon our return home, the wave hit.\u00a0 Late at night, I let Mathew know, \u201cI\u2019m not sure how I can go on.\u201d\u00a0 He shared, \u201clet\u2019s just get through the night.\u201d\u00a0 Such wise words and a great reminder.\u00a0 Holiday by holiday, day by day, moment by moment, breath by breath.<\/p>\n

\"DSC_6022\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Maya reclining at a Seder in 2009 at the Wasser, DeFraia’s house and Maya with Marina at our Seder at home, 2015<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

With each choice, I have a finger on my pulse.\u00a0 Which decision is better for me at this moment?\u00a0 I have been pretty in tune with what works for me and what does not.\u00a0 What might trigger the current and pull me under a wave?\u00a0 I never really can tell.\u00a0 And sometimes, I just have…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-661","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gifts-since"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p720L0-aF","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/661","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=661"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/661\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":666,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/661\/revisions\/666"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=661"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=661"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayasgifts.elisegold.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=661"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}