Seeing and being seen
One of the most challenging parts of life now is to be in social situations. Ironically, being in community is also incredibly fulfilling. How can this be?
Even the idea of going to a gathering, a party, an event can trigger me. What will be stirred when I am around others? Which memories will bubble up? How will I handle my emotions?
On the other hand, it is clear that the community that is breathing oxygen into me; I am being carried. How could this occur, if I were to grieve alone?
When Hannah invited me to the high school musical, I faced a difficult decision. It is truly a tragic reminder to be among Maya’s friends. Some were friends since the time they were in our wombs. When Maya died, time froze. The life of Maya here on this earth stopped. Yet here we are, on the cusp of one and a half years since her passing. The sun continues to rise and set, the seasons change, and Maya’s friends are growing. They are singing and dancing on stage and there are even talks about college.
I chose to go. A variety of emotions flooded me as I watched the performance; it is astonishing to witness these teens shine. What was really the most meaningful experience for me was the time I spent after the show. One by one, I connected with Maya’s peers, the actors and audience members. I looked in their eyes. I saw them and they saw me. Fully.
With the embraces was such tenderness. I was able to support them, hold them and share my pride in the great job that they did. They expressed such happiness to see me. I know that as they saw me, they saw Maya. As I saw them, they too, were a window to Maya. She surely was with us.
Those eyes….all of the photos were from a trip we took to Quebec in December, 2006
Beautiful!
Elise, the beauty of the metaphor you used for your connection to Maya and her friends moved me very much.
May the window to Maya be always open and illuminated with her love for you and your love for her.
I honor your courage and your endless commitment to your truth, authenticity, and love.
With love,
Lucy
I hope this is okay to say: I am so proud of you for showing up and opening so fully to whatever experiences and to all of the emotions that present themselves to you . Moment to moment.
love you dearly,,
Susan
Yes those eyes! Everlasting beauty, and pain. Sending much love to you.
I feel it all in my heart…the bitter and the sweet, mingled together, inseparable.
Sending you so much love.
Elise so beautiful, so vulnerable so present. thank you for allowing me to be a witness.
In so much love and sorrow
Julia
this gave me goosebumps.
Elise,
That was a brave and loving thing to do, and I’m glad you were met with such receptivity from Maya’s friends, and you could connect with each of them. Poignant. With much love, Cindy
Another tender and defiant step, dear Elise.
You are a teacher.
Bises, Patricia
Elise…I am so touched by your love, strength and compassion. I am so proud of you and your love. I cherish my memories of you growing always with love.
Dear Terry,
My heart filled up when I saw your name! I too, cherish memories of you, from back in the day. Thank you deeply for reading this blog, and reaching out with your kind words.
Sending love,
Elise