Who am me?
August 31, 2008.
Maya dear,
As I make this entry, you are drifting off to sleep (hopefully) with your three friends, Noam, Gabriel and Tuli, for it is your last night of being seven and you are celebrating turning eight. It’s a whirlwind of a party as you started at the Inner Wall. You then chose to have dinner at Rocco’s (though Rocco’s was not your first choice, you decided to go there because you were thinking of your friends). When we came home, you indulged in balloon playing, a movie, cake, presents and bed time by the fire. Tomorrow, we go to Moriello Pool. Quite a party; quite a life!
A couple of weeks ago as you were bathing, you got quite serious. “Mommy, I’ve been wondering…wondering about who I am. I mean, I know I’m a sister and a daughter and all, but I still don’t really know who I am.”
It’s amazing to me Maya, that at seven plus years old, you are wrestling with this philosophical question. I shared with you this amazement and how some wrestle with it all their lives. I suggested to you to just “be.” The catch is “being” means “being me.” This brought you back to “who am me?” Pretty deep!
Mommy
Elise, this is so profound- that Maya was asking that deep question even then. Almost prophetic. And there is also something prophetic about you having written these journals years ago, not knowing how they would inform you and all of us now…Holding the pain and the wonder at once inside me, the Balance of Things.
With love.
Yes…
Thank you for sharing your stories of Maya. Thank you.
Stay tuned, Robin. There’s lots more to share!
Dear Elise, Thank you so much for sharing these very personal and beautiful journal entries. Makes me wish I had such lucid memories of Jakob. The love that surrounds Maya is palpable. The recent struggles my 15 y.o. son and I have been going through cause me much concern and take on a new dimension in light of Maya’s experience. I wonder what I should be doing as a single mother of an only son to help make him feel better and I haven’t a clue. I feel I am making a multitude of mistakes and yet people tell me I’m a good mother…but I tend not to believe it because he’s stuggling so…but they have their own journeys that we are not privy to and it’s painful and scary to let go. I feel deeply for you. My sister Eve took her own life in 2011 and we will always be completely baffled and saddened by it. I am sorry I haven’t kept in touch over the years. I don’t think you live that far away from me.