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Three simple words that hold such good intention. But they can also put me in a state; one that causes great anxiety and sadness. Honestly, I wonder how I am even here. It is hard to believe that I am functioning; but I am.  When Maya died, I wondered, “How can I go on?”  I…

My grandparents came to the U.S. from Eastern Europe around the turn of the century. They were called to make a better life for themselves and generations to come.  I grew up knowing that my parents had met at a “party”.  It wasn’t until my early twenties that I learned that it was the Communist…

Our family had an amazing opportunity in traveling to Italy and France in the summer of 2011. While in France, we visited a couple of Chateaux in the Loire Valley.  We were enamored by the architectural centerpiece of the Chateau de Chambord.  It was a “double helix”, two spiral staircases intertwined.  I share this image…

The drive through the fog this morning was a mirror of my life. Truly, unchartered territory.   Layers of gray, uncertain of what lies ahead. Deeply in it; in the thick of it. Feeling what is, and curiously, looking ahead. Will I get there? Where is there?  Will I see clearly again? Creeping along slowly, cautiously,…

I had been intentionally not making calls from the blue tooth in my car, as in “History”, Maya’s name and number still appeared. On some level, seeing “Maya” appear there, as I’d scroll through the calls, gave me the illusion that I’ve spoken with Maya recently.  It’s been comforting. It was the same impulse inside…

July 2006. Dear Maya, Elated! Completely thrilled!  High!  These are some words to express your experience while you were in the Shapers Hair Salon getting your hair cut for the first time.  You were looking forward to the moment for a long time.  You initiated the idea of having a haircut.  What has been driving…

October 2013. Dear Maya, You are growing into your 13. I’m not sure what that means, but I’m witnessing it.  Perhaps it means that you are more comfortable in finding yourself, the Maya that you’ve been with until now and at the same time, stretching and being more grown up.  Before that, I think you…

I’ve asked people I know that have lost one of their children, “how is it possible that you can you go on?” My dad, 95, shared as he was stroking my hand, “time, Elise. Give it time.”  He knows this one well, as my sister Steffie passed over forty years ago.  Karen whispered gently to…

When I was a young adult, my mom shared with me, “Elise, it is not for me that I’d want you to have children. For me, it’s not about being a grandmother.  I would want for you to experience the joy that you and your sisters gave me.  You have given me such joy.  Know…