Dates
When it came to celebrations, like Mother’s Day, our mom used to say, “the date really doesn’t matter. It is likely a date that Hallmark created to help with their profits.” I wonder if she held those sentiments to protect herself from possible disappointments. There is a part of me that wishes the dates don’t matter. But as the calendar unfolds, it is clear that there are many moments in time that carry special significance, or a heavy weight. Two are coming up. Maya’s birthday is September 1st. She took her life on October 2nd. I am charged in a different way as we approach these dates. The hollowness inside feels unbearable at times.
In part, shock has protected me. I am grateful, that aside from the trauma and deep grief that I’ve experienced during these last eleven months, shock has served as a buffer. As time goes on, the shock is thinning and a different sort of reality is coming to the surface. This is not to say that I’ve been in denial. But I am absorbing the experience of living without Maya here, on a profound level. I have no idea what will be. I am doing what I can to protect myself without the natural armor of shock. As always, taking it day by day, moment by moment. Thank you. I know that you are there. I have gratitude as you are with me during these times.
Hay-hopping in Columbia County in August, 2007
I have been aware of the calendar and thinking about you as these days approach. Thank you for bringing this up. Love.
Dear Elise, with you with you with you. Every single day. On Thursday I will light a candle for Maya in solidarity with you and Mathew, family, friends and loved ones who are all missing Maya’s presence on our earth and in our community. So much love and tender hugs to you in this moment and always, Sarah
I recently read, while dealing with my own deep and profound grief on African soil… a book titled 100 years if solitude…by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, the infamous Jose Segundo Buendia stated to his blind mother and already dead father…..”we do not die when we should, but when we can”. I have pondered over this for hours it seems…..and have come to an unexpected conclusion, that perhaps Buendia was both wise and correct in his observations of life….and death.
Dear Elise,
That is a wise observation, that shock is our natural protector against absorbing all of a trauma at once. I am with you.
Love,
Rabbi Jonathan
i have no words only aching and tears of love
Holding you in an energetic embrace…
we are here
I have been thinking of you, and the upcoming dates. Your writing gave me a glimpse into what you are experiencing. And out of that I send you and your family . . . . love.
Breathing with you.
Thinking of you, Elise. And sending hugs your way.
Keenly aware and holding thoughts of Maya and you and your family very close in the days and weeks ahead. Wishing there were something I could do to ease your pain.
I listen and absorb your thoughts and words and hold you close to my heart.
Dear Elise,
Sending lots of love your way! I’ve recently started thinking how it’s almost been a year, and certainly as the leaves change I will be reminded even more..
Also I didn’t know Maya’s birthday is Sept 1st, my sister Julia was born on Sept 3rd.
Thank you so much for continuing to share xoxo
My dear Elise,
I, as so many, many others, will always be here for you, Mathew and Adin. On these most painful of dates and everyday….. You are all in our hearts everyday.
Lovingly,
Jody
Hay Hopping is what we do. 2 more hours from where I stand now till Sept 1. It will arrive a bit earlier here. Like Hay Hopping, sometimes the jumps are further apart, sometimes the landings are slightly fluffier, messier. May these jumps you are now taking, guide you in a path that only you can reveal and each one of us, your friends, your support, can be leaned on when necessary, when the jumps seem too high, too surreal and beyond the beyond. We Love you very, very much. This Day, this Month may seem Beyond the reasonable, beyond the doable, use every tool in your basket and Leap into this with everything you have, and when it’s time to rest, Take rest.
Bob’s birthday is always hard for me, as is the anniversary of his death (now more than two years ago). How hard the loss of your child must be, especially one year later. Thinking of you.
Barbara
It’s been so long since we crossed paths. I am so sorry to hear of Bob’s passing. Barbara, I am with you.
Sending love, Elise