Faith?
“It’s going to be alright. Everything is going to be okay.” Those words were the anchor of my life. I used to joke that my glass was not half full. It was three quarters full. In my family of origin, we had a pessimist and a realist. I was the optimist. Always.
Perhaps when reading my last post, “Faith”, a story from 10 years ago, you wondered if things have changed for me. One dear friend asked me, “Elise, do you still have faith?” On October 2, 2015, the foundation on which I stood, crumbled. Can I imagine that, “everything is going to be okay” ever again? Right now, I cannot answer that question. If Maya only had known those words. There are so many “if only’s” that I ponder.
As time goes on, I may redefine what “faith” means to me. I am aware that each morning, I wake up. My first thoughts are with Maya. I gaze out the window and eventually, put my feet on the ground.
Photos are from May and June of 2010, taken at the Trapeze School. J-Bird, one of Maya’s true inspirations, was catching that day.
Sending you love and blessings. I don’t know you, but I briefly went to Rowe with Maya. I cannot imagine the grief you have gone through, but I have been reading your posts for many Months now. I value your integrity and I would like to let you know that I hold you in my heart. Sending you light, love and blessings,
Eliza Dery.
Thank you dear Eliza!
Rowe was certainly a cherished home for Maya. One in which she could spread her wings and feel fully accepted. I’m glad that you shared that experience with her. If you’re up for it, please do share a story. I drink up hearing “Maya stories” from others! “An invitation to Rowies” was posted on January 17. If not, it’s surely okay! And thank you for your light love and blessings. I know it helps.
Love back to you,
Elise
I think of you often, Elise, and send positive thoughts and prayers your way. As always, your words are both challenging and inspiring. I can understand how your foundation has crumbled, and yet, it seems as if something profound and important is emerging from that tumbled down place. I know that words are inadequate, but I want you to know that I
care,
Dear Rebecca,
Deep thanks. What you have shared, along with others, are the seeds for another blog post or chapter. It’s brewing so stay tuned.
Thank you for your ongoing caring,
Elise
Each small steps of faith is a giant step of growth.
Dear Elise, I stand and walk beside you as you ask the question, as you meet each new day without knowing, as you share your quest with our community.
Seeing the photos of Maya on the trapeze, I think of my own deeply potent experience “flying” the last few summers at Omega. Climbing the very tall ladder, standing on the tiny platform–vulnerable and exposed, heart pounding–hearing the call, “hep!” and jumping into the unknown. (What I do know is that my muscles will powerfully ache, for at least a week. And yet…) The joy, sheer exhilaration, of being caught: it is an instant of faith. It’s not constant or consistent. It lasts just a brief, fleeting moment. But that moment stays with me, somewhere in my cells and marrow, till the next summer when I get to climb the ladder again, knees trembling.
Much love to you, Sarah
Elise,
Thank You for sharing, your honesty, and your continuing quest. I am right here, sending cups of love.
Claire
In the middle of overpowering grief putting your feet on the floor and standing up is a profound act of faith. Sending you much love .
Rebecca
Hi Elise,
just wiping away my tears after reading this and your previous post. Again, I can only scratch the surface of imagining what life must be like for you these past months but I am so thankful to you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me and the wider world. Faith is not something I was gifted with in great capacities, rather I have had to kind of “grow” it as I’ve grown and somehow, it seems that the harder experiences have led to the biggest growth spurts in faith. After my dad died unexpectedly some years ago, I wrestled with so many questions and unknowns (and tremendous grief, of course) but came out of the darkness of losing him feeling much more convinced that we never really lose anyone in the bigger sense as well as that we’re in this for the long haul, probably over many, many lifetimes together with so many lessons to learn from and with each other in many different configurations. You are strong and brave and just the fact that you are writing this blog to me shows that you have not lost your faith. I believe that Maya, wherever she is, is fine, better than fine = and I am sure she loves you just as you love her. Sending you a huge hug.
Deep gratitude.