Summer solstice
I awoke at 4:00 this morning to the most delightful scent coming in our windows. It was a fragrance that I couldn’t identify, but one that only could waft in with the newness of the season. How pleasant it was. And here we are. Another season. I have a new relationship with time. Part of my life froze on October 2; yet the days, weeks, months and seasons continue. How could that be?
Last week, one of Maya’s close friends turned 16. A reminder; time is moving on. The driving permits, licenses, decisions about college, travel, graduation, and on. And me; I too, continue to age. I wish I could slow down the clock. With time passing, it takes me further from hearing Maya’s footsteps, her voice, her laugh, feeling her hair, and looking into those gorgeous eyes, sometime rolling, always shining. I want to hold on to all of that and more. Will the passage of time bring me closer to Maya in a different realm?
I chose to harvest some milkweed buds and eat them this evening to have a taste of one of our favorite early summer rituals. I know that it’s not great for the butterfly population, but we’d only pick a few from fields where there are many. Why is that they always grow by so much poison ivy? And why is there such a short window of time to harvest them before they become toxic? Are there some lessons here? That was enough to scare others in our household from going anywhere near this plant. But Maya and I were all about savoring the delicacy of precious milkweed. I miss my girl so.
It started to drizzle. I lay awake, embracing the moment and the sadness at once. This is my life now. Is this how it will be forever? Finding the joy in spite of or along with the sadness? Holding both, honoring both.
xoxo
I hold you close.
Hi Elise,
I do think that holding the pain and the joy, the loss and the richness, all those dualities – holding them both at once is the essence of life and its teachings. You had and continue to have a wealth of love and beauty, and were dealt one of the hardest, most painful lessons that one can imagine. This duality, I think, is precious. It may cease to be as present in each day, each moment, over time, but it will always be nearby and will become less draining and more fulfilling as time passes. My little two cents, for what they are worth.
Keeping you and Mathew and Maya in my heart, close by, and sending love, always.
Bonnie,
I too, have been thinking that this is the essence of life and its teachings. I will share more in time.
Thank you, Elise. Your sharing is so important to me.
Love,
Rabbi Jonathan
I so appreciate your ability to give words to your inner experience. I am so moved by your sharing. Sending love
Holding you, honoring you. With so much love.
And trying to imagine the taste of milkweed buds.
xoxo
Your writings always speak to my mother heart…so very, very deeply. My, what the human heart can endure! love you xo
the delightful scent of the morning… still there to encourage us on our path. Just as tonight, the song of the thrush lifts my heart, as it always does. Somehow we are buoyed up by the gifts of our mountains.
I remember when my father died, in 1963, wondering how the sky could still be the same blue when my world was shattered.
Yet the mountains are still there, some comfort in that.
with love
Leslie
Buoy is the perfect word. I feel buoyed by so much in nature, and so many loving people. All are true life supports.