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People wonder about signs. I often don’t look for or need signs, as I feel Maya’s presence constantly. Around me and inside of me. But yes, there are other times that signs are evident. There have been certain rainbows, a special wind, the way the sunlight hits grasses or the leaves, a bird or lights…

I’ll start by saying that I was raised by a mom who claimed to be an agnostic and our dad was, (and is) a staunch atheist.  If anything, our family fit into the category of “cultural Jews.”  If I wanted spirituality, I needed to seek on my own.  I tagged along with friends to their…

And so.  Here we are.  Has it really been a year?  Many, if not all of the same thoughts, questions and feelings that were alive for me on October 2nd, 2015 have not quieted one little decibel.  They scream and echo inside of me constantly. “How could this be?”, is one that continues with practically…

I was up for a good part of the night and I had quite an extraordinary experience in the wee hours.  I went back to a year ago.  Actually, a year ago this coming weekend.  Maya and I took time together, just the two of us to be on an adventure in and around Provincetown.  During…

When our sister, Stephie died, she was 11 years old.  My parents wanted to do something special by her grave site.  I was not involved in the process as I was only 14 years old, but I learned that they were told that Mount Hebron Cemetery in Queens, had a moratorium.  It was too crowded;…

When it came to celebrations, like Mother’s Day, our mom used to say, “the date really doesn’t matter.  It is likely a date that Hallmark created to help with their profits.”  I wonder if she held those sentiments to protect herself from possible disappointments.  There is a part of me that wishes the dates don’t…

As I look for a stone to be the marker at Maya’s grave-site, I listen for one to speak to me. It seems so important to get this right, to find the perfect stone. Here, in the woods, where Maya was conceived, she was born, lived her life and took her life There is no…

I never know when the wave will hit.  Tonight, I made pesto the first time this season.  It’s one of my all-time favorite foods.  Each year, I freeze gallons (really) to get me through the winter, until basil is fresh again.  In recent years, I’d make two batches to sustain us; one dairy and one…

None of us were given a script.  I’m new in this role.  While I’m figuring it out, each day it changes.  I change.  How is one “supposed to be?”  Day by day, moment by moment.  My sense is that the same holds for you.  I know you may be experiencing your own grief.  You are…

I awoke at 4:00 this morning to the most delightful scent coming in our windows.  It was a fragrance that I couldn’t identify, but one that only could waft in with the newness of the season.  How pleasant it was.  And here we are.  Another season.  I have a new relationship with time.  Part of…