August 16, 2015 Dear Maya, According to the Hebrew calendar, it is your birthday, as you were born on the first day of Elul.  You were born with a new moon, which always marks the beginning of a new month.  Elul (I am learning), is the month before the New Year.  It is a time…

In honor of Maya’s birthday, I’m posting two journal entries and extra photos from September 2002, 2005, 2006 and 2007.  Happy Birthday, Maya! October 8, 2002 Maya, I am struck by the love I have for you.  It is unbelievable.  Thanks for giving me the opportunity to feel love in this way! September 2005 Maya…

When it came to celebrations, like Mother’s Day, our mom used to say, “the date really doesn’t matter.  It is likely a date that Hallmark created to help with their profits.”  I wonder if she held those sentiments to protect herself from possible disappointments.  There is a part of me that wishes the dates don’t…

As I look for a stone to be the marker at Maya’s grave-site, I listen for one to speak to me. It seems so important to get this right, to find the perfect stone. Here, in the woods, where Maya was conceived, she was born, lived her life and took her life There is no…

January 23, 2013 Dearest Maya, Something is shifting inside of you.  You have decided to let your hair grow out. You bought (fake) Uggs and they just didn’t work with the pants you normally wear. I offered to buy you skinny jeans and you agreed.  In fact, I bought a second pair for you and…

I never know when the wave will hit.  Tonight, I made pesto the first time this season.  It’s one of my all-time favorite foods.  Each year, I freeze gallons (really) to get me through the winter, until basil is fresh again.  In recent years, I’d make two batches to sustain us; one dairy and one…

February 22, 2008 Last time our family went to Ithaca, we all had a very good laugh.  We arrived at the hotel.  We checked in at the registration.  Adin decided not to get in the car as we pulled up to the parking spot closer to our room. He ran pretty fast alongside and ahead…

None of us were given a script.  I’m new in this role.  While I’m figuring it out, each day it changes.  I change.  How is one “supposed to be?”  Day by day, moment by moment.  My sense is that the same holds for you.  I know you may be experiencing your own grief.  You are…

July 31, 2004 Dear Maya, On the fourth of July, Adin asked Mathew about the holiday.  Mathew explained about independence.  He talked about the settlers and King George.  He read portions of the Declaration of Independence.  You were listening attentively, but I was certain that most of what Mathew shared went over your 3 ½…

Late May 2004 After watching our wedding video on the night of our anniversary, you REALLY wanted to know where you were.  You saw everyone there that you know, but no Maya. Maya: Where was I? Me: You weren’t born yet. Maya: Was I dead? Me: No, you didn’t come out of me yet.  We…