I awoke at 4:00 this morning to the most delightful scent coming in our windows.  It was a fragrance that I couldn’t identify, but one that only could waft in with the newness of the season.  How pleasant it was.  And here we are.  Another season.  I have a new relationship with time.  Part of…

July 30, 2010 Dearest Maya, We shared a very wondrous moment.  You and I were floating on tubes across the road on the lake.  Dragonflies were everywhere. Upon closer examination, we saw that they were stuck together.  Yes, they were mating.  When we slowed down our process even more, we witnessed little pieces of seaweed,…

This morning, I attended my first Yizkor Service since Maya’s passing.  It is a time to be together with others who are remembering a loved one.  Prayers were offered, songs sung, poetry read, and those who wanted to share personal memories, or anything at all, did. I grappled with the term, “remember”, as Maya is…

  July 21, 2003 (Aunt Steffie’s birthday) Dear Maya, It’s been a month full of laughs.  We went camping on Cape Cod.  So many new concepts for you to assimilate in this developmental stage.  Before, we had planned on “the trip” and “the vacation,” words that you didn’t fully comprehend.  And then there was “camping”…

When a deep tragedy hits, coupled with trauma, time freezes.  At times, it feels impossible to think of the next day, not to mention week or month.  I recall noticing how in mid-November, I was finally able to start thinking of plans for Thanksgiving.  It was actually remarkable to me. This has been a new…

January 1, 2005 Puzzle girl, You have always enjoyed puzzles.  A month or so ago, I went to Nora and Lowell’s house.  They were giving away lots of Lowell’s old toys.  Daddy warned me not to get anything as “we have enough junk in the house.”  Against his advice, I went and tried to be…

A few days ago, I was washing windows barefoot on our deck.  My feet were hot, and I remembered a story that Evan had shared with us at the Memorial Service at Rowe, earlier this year.  Evan was one of Maya’s counselors.  Their connection went very deep; they really “saw” one another.  I asked Evan…

“It’s going to be alright.  Everything is going to be okay.”  Those words were the anchor of my life.  I used to joke that my glass was not half full.  It was three quarters full.  In my family of origin, we had a pessimist and a realist.  I was the optimist.  Always. Perhaps when reading…

February 2006 Dear Maya, It’s times like now that I just want to stop the clock and be in this moment with you for a while.  How precious time is.  How precious life is. You recently (two weekends ago) “broke the code.”  You are really reading now.  Word by word, you are getting it.  And…

Soon after I started this blog, I had to check in with myself.  I knew it was a bold step to be so public in sharing both stories from Maya’s life, and also my process.  I told myself that I would only post if in some way or another, sharing “fed” me.  I didn’t want…